not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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