There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
