I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
