He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
