I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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