Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
