Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
