yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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