Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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