so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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