She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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