dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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