Me too!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
