are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
