I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Fuck appropriateness.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
