He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
