Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
