he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
