I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Oh god it's open bar.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
