I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When are your genitals available?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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