these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
