Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
