The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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