this beer tastes like vomit already
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
