Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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