Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
