Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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