Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
