she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
