I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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