things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
