The maid of honor just puked.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
