I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
