I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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