I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
