so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
