Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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