Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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