she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
