soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
