i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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