don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
