So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my being single is dangerous.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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