If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
