I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
