i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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