alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
