Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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