just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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