I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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