i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
And then he peed in my hair
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