bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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