You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
