so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
