i would punch a child for taco bell
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
