Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
