Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
