I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
