she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
