Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
