Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize