I wish I could punch you in the face.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
