Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
